This is where our religious faith comes in. Father Paul Williams, the priest who married Julie and me, introduced into the wedding ritual a Bosnian Catholic custom. He asked us to both hold on to a crucifix at one point in the ceremony, and he told us that as long as we held on to Christ, we could hold on to each other no matter what. But if we let go of Christ, everything was in danger. What he meant was that if you consecrate your marriage to God, and both believe that our “till death do us part” promise to each other is binding in the most solemn way imaginable, and we both humble ourselves before the reality of God and that promise — then we will find the strength and the humility to hold on to each other, come what may. Any stay-at-home mom is making a tremendous act of faith in her husband and his constancy. If my wife didn’t know how seriously I take our religion, and the obligations it imposes on me as a husband and father, I imagine it would be very hard for her to do what she does.

And yet, think of the freedom that trust gives her to devote herself to our boys! Choosing to start a family at a relatively young age (24) and to devote herself fulltime to the kids and their education taught her an important life lesson:

"Well, we knew that this idea that you should have everything, and that life should be easy, was bogus,” Julie mused. “I will say, though, that knowing someone like Frederica [Mathewes-Green], which is not something most young women have the chance to do, was very helpful to me. When I look at her, I see someone who married young, had children young, and who has had a fruitful career after that. There was a sequencing there. I think a lot of people my age don’t, quite frankly, hae the attention span to stop and realize that you don’t have to do everything at once, and that you simply can’t do it all. You have to choose.”

That’s the thing nobody wants to hear, I suggested.

“Well, the problem with a lot of women my age is that we were raised in a total self-esteem culture,” Julie said. “We were brought up to think it was all about us, and that we should be happy and content, and that we should do whatever we need to do to be happy and content. For some women, having children is something they do thinking it’s going to fulfill them, and when raising kids turns out to be difficult, it’s a terrible disappointment. If you stay home with your kids because it’s the right thing to do, you’d be surprised by how much strength you find to get through the hard parts, and to find real satisfaction, even joy, in them. It’s all about your attitude.”